I bristle at the idea I am too much of anything to be human.
Ideology is practice for the mind. It’s not real, for fuck’s sake.
Ayn Rand was wrong about many things. She was trying to make a point but then she couldn’t change her mind. The damage she’s done. What a smart person does to make other people into stupid people. My goodness, I can only imagine the remorse she must have felt.
You can’t always be kind. You can’t always be self serving. They’re not mutually exclusive but it’s a lie to say you can always do both simultaneously.
The smart men in my life like to jerk off philosophically to whether the world is probabilistic or deterministic but everyone knows it’s both.
Or so I thought.
I guess everyone doesn’t know.
In other words, you get to choose how you respond to things that happen. Some of those things are explainable by math and science and maps. Some of the things that happen are inexplicable. That’s what smart people call randomness or chaos. Some people describe it as probability.
Ok, so my main issue with the theory of probability is that it’s taking a limited concept and applying it to everything. Not just as an exercise but telling people it’s what’s true. This is why statistics can lie, partly. This is why ideology is false.
Don’t fool yourself: every roll of the dice is 50/50. The remaining 50 percent is who you are. Yes, I just broke a paradigm. It’s ok. You can do that.
There’s nothing to prove. Life is bigger and more mysterious than we can fathom. Ain’t no theory or faith gonna fix it. We’re intrinsically alone except when we choose to connect with others.
It’s possible to be a person and not have to wear all the history and detritus of past stupidity like a costume.
It’s possible to respect others and care about them even knowing they don’t want to participate in what’s real. But it’s a lot of work.
This is my version of faith.