empathic being seeks trustk

I’ve been weaning off Lexapro for the past 2 weeks. Lexapro stopped my panic attacks and anxiety attacks within a couple of days. But it made me feel a deep sadness and heaviness. My bones felt like lead weights.

I won’t talk about the deep level emotional changes here, but my relationships are changing. I don’t have a great way of describing how, when you change your emotional position in relationships, people balk. Even people you love and who love you.

When you set limits. When you ask for communication.

I even balk. I remember being a soccer ball for others and thinking that was my role.

I’m not a victim. I’m trying to talk about it and figuring out who can. And also when I can.

I love being alive. Even if it’s sometimes subtle and I have to climb out of anything familiar to find it. Trust. I want to trust.

Monday music

I’ve been pulling on a wire, but it just won’t break

I’ve been turning up the dial, but I hear no sound

I resist what I cannot change

And I wanna find what can’t be found

I’m aware of the time we lost

Like a demon in the doorway, waiting to be born

But I’m here all alone, just begging

Pull me close and let me hold you in

Give me the deeper understanding of who I am (me: who we are)

Yeah, I’m moving back again, I’m waiting, yeah

I’m just pulling on a wire, but it just won’t break

I’ve been turning up the dial, but I hear no sound

I resist what I cannot change, own it in your own way

Yeah, I wanna find what can’t be found